groupNever underestimate the power of people who care for you.

I have a problem sometimes letting people help me. Now, stupid as I know this is, it’s something that developed over a long period of time and I’m finding it very hard to beat.

I feel guilty letting people help me. Why?

For me, it stems from two things:

  1. I feel ashamed that I need help in the first place.
    This is pride. Nothing more, nothing less. I have always tried my best to ‘make it on my own’ and earn things myself. I never wanted people to take pity or look at me like I was struggling.
  2. I don’t want to burden somebody else with my needs.
    I’ve never wanted to be seen as the one who hasn’t got her sh*t together because when I look at myself, I have a lot of things to be grateful and appreciative of. When people offer to help me in the things I want, not need, it makes me feel selfish.

Why am I talking about this?

Well, now I’m past my early twenties [some might say a grown-up, I’m not sure yet], I realised more what I want from life and where I want to be in 5 and 10 years. To get there, I have a couple of things I want to check off my list and sort out.
I worked out a plan, with a rough timescale, budgets, backup ideas and possible opportunities along the way… and let me just say:

Life doesn’t always go to plan.

As interesting as it is, life has a way of knocking you on your ass and then you have to reassess what you’re doing and why.

This is where your loved ones step up, and that’s amazing. It truly is.

If you have people in your life that want to help you and offer to give you a hand then that is a fantastic and wonderful thing. It means somewhere along the way you gave them a reason to care. So why is it so hard to accept the help?

I am slowly realising that it’s okay to need help sometimes, and it’s okay to say yes. In my heart I’ve always known this, hypocritically I’ve told other people this and offered them my help but it doesn’t stop the horrible feeling of failure that can wash over me when I have to admit I’m struggling with something.

and it’s stupid. Really stupid. Your friends and family are the ones who hold you together. The beautiful thing about it is it’s an unspoken bond really, the people who truly care about you will offer to help you just because they care, they don’t offer with a return policy in mind!

I look back on my life and go through all the things I’ve ‘ticked off’ on my list, my achievements and you know what? In ALL of those things I was never alone. I didn’t do it all by myself.

At some point, whether emotional, financial, business or medical, people have been there to support me, and I’m really thankful. Assessing all the times I’ve picked somebody’s brains, shared a cup of coffee and a moan, been a friend in need, I realised that it’s by letting those people in, and being around to help them right back is pretty much how anyone succeeds at anything.

So, when I look at the things I’ve yet to cross off, I know that even though it’s still hard for me to feel comfortable with, needing help from my friends is not something I should be ashamed of, it’s something I should be grateful to have.

So, thank you, everyone. And sorry for not realising how lucky I am sooner.

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About charl ford

Writer, Trekkie and tea drinker. Hello.

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Writing

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