‘Tis the season to be married!
Everywhere I look on social media over the last few months I’ve seen weddings and Pinterest boards full of wedding preparations!
One of my friends has graciously asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Yay! Right?
Let me say right here, I’m honoured she asked me.
This woman is indeed a good friend and honestly I hope her wedding is everything she dreams of but…
I am freaking out.
Are bridesmaids allowed to freak out?
In the movies you see the bride and groom going through their stresses and last minute crises of the wedding and it’s their groomsmen and bridesmaids that rally round in support. I have absolutely no problem in helping out where I can to make my friend’s day fantastic…but there are a couple things I feel I’m selfishly worrying over, I just can’t help it!
1. The Bridesmaid’s dresses
Now I am aware that I am 1 of 3 bridesmaids for this wedding. My worry is that we are all different shapes and sizes and I can be honest enough to tell you that I am not one of those lucky women who can throw on anything and pull it off. I am 5 foot 1 and let’s say bigger than a size 8-10. Plus I have tattoos. I know my friend would never say anything, but using my own intuition and formal decency, it’s pretty obvious my dragon and tiger back tattoo are not suitable for her wedding theme. I would normally dress formal for a wedding and think nothing of it, except there’s a pressure to get it spot on here, I’m going to be in this woman’s pictures forever.
2. The costs
Again, I stated I feel selfish, but I am torn between wanting to be that awesome “Let’s go to a spa, it’s on us” kind of friend and the reality of “My bank account is going to weep, can I just pay for what I had?”. My type of work means income varies on my workloads and hours and I’m not always going to have spare. I don’t feel there’s ever a way to unashamedly say “I just can’t afford it”.
3. My own wedding views
I am trying very hard to be supportive, but I have never wanted to lie or mislead my friends. I am engaged myself, but I’ve never been the girl who planned her wedding day in detail with friends at school. In fact my friends used to call me a grump for not joining in with it all! I have always been a little bit dismayed with so called “traditions” for weddings. I don’t think I’ll want to wear a white dress and I don’t think it’s important to get my father’s permission and so on… but I understand couples who want these things. My friend is quite a traditional bride-to-be and I feel I’m not the best person advising her because of my own views on marriage.
I hope if my friend is reading she understands that all these worries are indeed in my own head. She has never placed any pressure to conform or be anything other than myself… So where does this come from? Why do we place so much pressure on pleasing other people? I was calm before, helping out and talking about all the wedding stuff my friend had going on, right until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I believe there is definitely something in that title that people either embrace or secretly fear. I always thought I’d embrace the responsibility and inclusion to the fun of it all but actually I’m overthinking it completely.
We’ve got just over 12 months until my friend’s big day and I’m hoping it will be enough time for me to turn down my own selfish worries and tune in to her excitement.
In my heart deep down I know it will all be fine, so why can’t I shut off the annoying little worrying voices in my head?
Does anybody else feel overwhelmed as a bridesmaid? If you have any tips or thoughts please let me know. I’d love to hear your stories and some confirmation that I’m not alone here!